How To Prosecute A Parent For (International) Abduction…

Photo credit: TImothy Eberly, Unsplash

A number of existing laws and regulations create obstacles that make the location and recovery of internationally abducted children very difficult. U.S. Department of Justice

If DOJ can admit this in its literature, you know there is an issue. In reality, children go missing all the time. In the U.S. a child goes missing approximately every 40 seconds. Most child kidnappings are conducted by someone who knows the child, including the other parent.

I was kidnapped (actually trafficked) by my mother and her family as a child. The case was never prosecuted, and my family decided to close everything off by murdering my father and attempting to hurt me as I tried to reunite with him (as an adult in my thirties) and take care of him as an old man. That story is a separate blog.

However, after winning an important legal battle here in Germany of late which means I get to stay here, I am now redoubling my efforts to get a not so historical crime (elder abuse and murder) prosecuted along with the international historical crime of child abuse including kidnapping. And, I am running into much of the same red tape and BS parents run into whose child goes missing. Plus assuming the adult survivors of parental kidnapping might also get a few ideas, and maybe we can band together and get something accomplished. I have never heard of a surviving adult prosecuting a family for the kidnapping, although it should be doable.

So, without further ado, here is a little advice from someone in the trenches (I can’t find anything on line).

1. If you are a left behind parent, never, ever, give up. I know it is exhausting, terrifying, and will leave you broke, emotionally drained and probably deeply hurt. Trust me, the children you are trying to reach, even if they have grown up by the time they find you again, need you.
2. If you are a kidnapped child (or were), never ever give up trying to reconcile with your left behind parent.
3. Dealing with law enforcement, at every level, and in every country, is going to be a painful experience. They won’t believe you, there will be a paper missing, or the fleeing spouse/partner has tried to incriminate you (for something). Word to the wise. Make as much noise as you can, as soon as you notice the child is missing. Everywhere.
   A. A corollary to that, especially for adult survivors, is make as much noise as possible, and in all the right places. For example, I went to the school where I was kidnapped from over Easter Break in 1979 in London, and asked them to report a missing child after the fact. They did so in 2014 and last year. So far the British police have done nothing, but I am leaving as many “modern” reports in the system as I can.

The last postcard I wrote my father as I was sent away on Easter break and my mother secretly packed our house in London. I never saw my dad that Saturday, and only a few times after that.

4. As a corollary, expect to be disbelieved by any and every authority you thought would also be of assistance, beyond the local level (as in reporting to the police that your child is missing or you were kidnapped historically). This includes in my case, state and federal authorities in the U.S. (in several states), the British police in several counties plus London (and Scotland Yard), and at this point, the German police, although I believe that the latter is about to change. I am finally becoming a German citizen (retroactively since my birth thanks to a recent Supreme Court case) so hopefully this will be taken more seriously. However, just in case you were wondering what authorities I am referring to, this also includes the federal Department of Justice, all of the human trafficking hotlines that rank anywhere in the top twenty or so of browser searches and in several countries, all of the supposed nonprofits dedicated to even parental kidnapping I can find online, and several embassies, in several different countries.

5. This may sound extreme, but so far, this is the best advice I can offer you in forty years of dealing with my mess. Try to win a legal battle somewhere. In my case, I am hoping that a Supreme Court case in a different country over immigration rights will finally force British and U.S. authorities to do their jobs. For the left behind parent, it is critical that you make noise, get press, and get a lawyer who knows what they are doing as quickly as possible. Money will always be an object. This is expensive. This is also why the remarkable lack of interest for historical prosecutions (which are in fact felonies) from law enforcement is particularly galling. Recognize you will face it. Every step of the way.

6. Never give up.

7. Contacting elected officials won’t do you much good in most cases. In my case, the FBI so far has told Representative David Price (Democrat-Chapel Hill, North Carolina) that there is “no evidence.” Despite my witness testimony, two other witnesses and a boatload of files to the contrary, Price’s staff gave up quickly. Expect the same reaction even if your child is missing. Really, people do not care.

8. Expect the kidnapping parent to have lots of help from family. And, as a corollary, even if you are the kidnapped child, don’t expect those in your immediate environs, even if related, to care or do anything. The most common reaction is to cover everything up. This is beyond appalling, as in my case, when your mother’s youngest sister is married to a state assistant Attorney General who is also getting rich off the kidnap. Regardless, even if your fleeing inlaw/former partner is not related to people who can cover her tracks officially, don’t expect any help from your former in-laws.
8a. Even more tragically, don’t automatically expect support from your immediate biological family either.
8b. As in my case, I found myself literally surrounded as my equally abused brother was continually tempted and incentivized to join in (so I became the only kidnapped child). Don’t expect any help. From anyone close to the situation. The entire thing is too loaded emotionally. Usually forever unless there is intervention of the professional kind.

9. It will never “just” go away. So keep building your case. There is almost no information online that is specific about what to do and where to go. Call non-profits who supposedly focus on this. They might be able to help. Chances are however, that if it is international, you will need all the help you can get. In my case so far, nobody cares about historical cases.

10. Abuse, even criminal abuse, when it happens in a “family” setting is belittled and demeaned by authorities and outsiders alike. Don’t ever forget that this kind of thing is a crime. Prosecute. If more of us do, especially internationally, there will be at least more awareness on the ground with the authorities about what to do. Be prepared to face “professionals” who claim to “do this all the time,” to be flummoxed by the details of your situation.

And most of all, don’t forget to hang in. I never saw my father again, but I know he is with me. And if I can win a Supreme Court case at the age of 53 in a foreign country I have lived in for seven years which is also (I know) going to move other pieces of the investigation forward in other places, you can keep going. Never give up.